When Friends Become Quality instead of Quantity
I have had many different friends in my life, some that I would describe more as acquaintances and others that were very good friends. And many that fall in between those two categories. Some friends are around briefly, while others have passed the test of time and have been around for years and years. When I was younger I had many more friends than I do now. It seems that it was easier to be friends with people that may not have been a perfect match when I was younger and now I do not want to "waste time" with the wrong people. I am not sure that the phrase waste time is the right words for that, but I really cannot think of a better way to describe it. I value my time more now than when I was younger, so I want to be around people that I enjoy, not people that I simply tolerate.
I find it funny that many of the people that I was closest to even ten years ago, are no longer around. For one reason or another, one or both of use decided to not be friends anymore. Sometimes that is discussed, other times we just slowly stop spending time together or communicating. I think it is because as we get older, we change and when we change we may not have the same interests as before and therefore, we do not enjoy the same people's company.
I am not saying that all friendships will end, I have a few friendships that I have had since I was a young child and they are doing great. But even those friendships have been altered by life. We do not spend as much time together. Everyone I know, including myself, has children, which drastically changes the amount of free time people have. I spend most of my time at home with my children, if I go somewhere, they are with me. I used to have endless amounts of free time to do whatever I wanted. That usually included being around people that I would not have chosen as friends, but at the time it did not seem like a big deal. Now, I chose my friends based on whether I think they would be acceptable in front of my children. I do not have time for people that I cannot have around my children.
When I was younger, it did not bother me if someone else had completely different beliefs and thoughts on life, we were just having fun so it did not matter. I was fine with being around people that did not add anything to my life. Now, I really enjoy the friends I have, they do not necessarily have all the same beliefs as me, but they are in the same place in life, they have kids, their kids are their priority and everything else comes somewhere after that. I am not saying that we cannot enjoy ourselves, but now most of our enjoyment comes from our kids and we find activities to do around that. Instead of enjoying a night out with friends, we stay home and make food and let our kids run wild outside. We do the latest fun crafts with them, we make desserts we know our kids will love. We still enjoy ourselves. I have a few friends that come over and when the kids are playing we discuss the latest episodes of a reality show that we all love. It's funny, I really do not like most reality shows, so to find a few other people that like the same ones that I do is wonderful!
I think that part of having adult friends is having more respect for each other. When you are younger, respect is not as much of an issue as just having fun. Now we have to respect each others schedules, which can make it hard to see each other, so when we do, we enjoy it as much as possible. We do not have time to start conflicts or problems, which I have to say, was a big part of being younger. It seems like there was always some kind of drama going on. That was normal then, now I do not know what I would do in those situations.
I have had a few friendships that I let go because I found them to be too one sided. To me, a friend is someone that is as concerned with me as I am with them. I had some friends that knew absolutely nothing about my life because they were only concerned with their own. It gets old. I do not want to be someone's counselor. I want to have a conversation and talk about things in both of our lives. I also do not want to be an on call babysitter. One "friend" that I had only called when she needed someone to watch her children. We had been really good friends for years, I am not sure what changed but I did not like it and decided to not be friends anymore. I knew it was the right decision when her not being in my life had no affect. You should miss people that are suppose to be your friends. If not, there is probably a problem.
I am very happy with my current friends, they are not all friends that I have known for years, and that is perfectly okay with me. I know that people change and grow apart, or some change and others stay the same. It is okay to admit that friendships are not working, just like it is okay to find new friends. If you would have told me years ago that I would not talk to some of the friends I had then, I would have never believed you. Being young makes it possible to be more free and more open to possibilities. As you get older, you want reliable and people that want the same things.
